January 20th, 2008 by POMP

[01:05] RaYzor: FIREFOX: Now on Mac, where we can utilize that SINGLE MOUSE BUTTON WELL!
[01:06] RaYzor: (Steve Jobs) *hits crack pipe* OH OH OH I KNOW! LETS GIVE THE MAC A HORRID MOUSE THAT ONLY HAS ONE BUTTON, AND GET THIS … PUSHING ANYWHERE ON THE MOUSE ACTIVATES!!!
[01:06] RaYzor: (Apple Team) *Hits Crack Pipe* BRILLIANT! LETS SEE THAT COCK SO WE CAN SUCK MORE
[01:08] RaYzor: (Steve Jobs) HOW ABOUT AN MP3 PLAYER MACHINE THAT REQUIRES YOU STARING AT IT FOR IT TO WORK WITH NO BUTTONS??? ALSO LETS GIVE IT MINIMAL STORAGE SPACE AND YET PROMOTE IT AS VIDEO PLAYER!!
[01:08] RaYzor: (Apple Team) OK STEVE, We were kidding before, but now we simply MUST Have your cock cause you are brilliant! More Kool Aid!
[01:10] RaYzor: (Steve Jobs) *eats sheet of LSD paper* … say guys, the Xbox 360 is great as a media hub and stuff … how about we make something called … Apple TV which has a tiny hard drive and supports no formates other than quicktime, costs just $400, and doesn’t actually record TV!!!
[01:10] RaYzor: (Apple Team) *bong hit* DEAR CHRIST, STEVE IS IT POSSIBLE WE CAN HAVE YOUR KIDS, I MEAN YOU ARE BRILLIANT!

[01:13] RaYzor: Here is another!!

[01:14] RaYzor: (Steve Jobs) *sniffs glue* Last night, my enslaved team of 90 hours a week workers, I had a a dream. Aside of my usual dream of drug indulgence and communism where you all work for free. This dream involved a portable media player … like the Nano. But unlike the Nano, it was horrifically unusable and far. And its called the Nano 2, and many people will enjoy watching videos on it!
[01:15] RaYzor: (Steve Jobs) Because it is FAT AND WIDE, it no longer fits in pocket! thus not a nano! but that is ok, cause people are fucking idiots and buy anything with the Apple logo (aside of computers, software, etc)
[01:18] RaYzor: (Steve Jobs) *Takes last slug of heroin-enhanced Jim Beam * Say guys, I know you are here 100 hours a week, and get paid minimum wage for 40 hours but hear me out… I have an idea, its called “iSuck” — the idea is that you have on white headphones and gay men suck your ass!!!
[01:19] RaYzor: (Apple Team) OK, The comet is coming for us now, Lord Jobs .. where are our sneakers?
[01:20] RaYzor: (Steve Jobs) U2 should be in every ad … all the time… lyrics like “YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH” are profound!
[01:21] RaYzor: (Bono) WE ARE NOT SELL OUTS! NOT AT ALL!! WHERE IS MY PRIVATE CHOPPER TO GO TO THE GROCERY STORE
[01:21] RaYzor: (Steve Jobs) *Finishes inhaling cow shit / opium mix *
[01:21] RaYzor: (Steve Jobs) DAMN, Our OS is soo good, that not only does it crash on every 5th mouse click, but we can make it a server on inferior software! Only 500% more than Windoes servers plz