So I run over to the gas station to buy an Italian sub and a carton of smokes, and as I’m standing at the counter to pay, this hot chick walks through the door in a Halloween costume. Our eyes meet and we gaze at each other for a moment, then she smiles and says “hello.”

Pretty girls make me nervous, so I attempt to smile as I awkwardly squeak out “uh, hi.” So then this chick is roaming around the gas station, checking me out the entire time, and making me even more self-conscious.

Now I’m not a dumb ass, I’m pretty sure if I had asked, I could’ve got this girls name and phone number, or maybe even the location of the Halloween party she was going to. But since I have no approach with women, I just let it go. My idea of a good pickup line is “Hi there, wanna fuck?” And if she replies with the usual no, then I say, “How about a good ass-eating?“

The problem is, the vibe I got from this girl makes me think she might’ve said yes. But I pussied out and headed for the door instead. So as I’m leaving, she smiles again and says “goodbye,” and I let out a defeated “bye” in return. This is why I bring my iPod wherever I go, so I can avoid shameful encounters like this.

Goddammit, I suck.