October 31st, 2005 by POMP
I’d like to wish a Happy belated Birthday to our very own RaYzor, who turned 42 on Friday. I swear with his combover and bandana combo, he doesn’t look a day over 40. I’d also like to wish a Happy 39th Birthday to one of the greatest Jews to ever roam the Earth, Mr. Adam Horovitz aka Ad-Rock of the Beastie Boys.
And even though when ObSerVer asked his girlfriend to sympathy fuck me, she said “absolutely not,” I’d like to wish her a Happy 27th Birthday anyway. A simple no would have sufficed, but apparently a 5-Cell Mag-Lite is more desirable than I am…
October 30th, 2005 by POMP
With Halloween upon us, I feel obligated to post this insane Halloween Comic from Chick Publications. You gotta love religious fanatics, but always remember, THE MOST POWERFUL POSITION IS ON YOUR KNEES.
And here’s a great tip I posted a year or two ago, for all of you Halloween cheapskates:
“Just put a sign on your door that says something to the effect of, “Self-Serve Halloween Candy” and an empty bowl below it … then just don’t answer your door when the little bastards come knocking. After all, they’re not your fucking kids, why should you be forced to buy them candy? Most of them aren’t even offering sex or anything in return, so fuck’em.”
This year I’ll be handing out cough drops and expired condoms.
October 29th, 2005 by POMP
So I run over to the gas station to buy an Italian sub and a carton of smokes, and as I’m standing at the counter to pay, this hot chick walks through the door in a Halloween costume. Our eyes meet and we gaze at each other for a moment, then she smiles and says “hello.”
Pretty girls make me nervous, so I attempt to smile as I awkwardly squeak out “uh, hi.” So then this chick is roaming around the gas station, checking me out the entire time, and making me even more self-conscious.
Now I’m not a dumb ass, I’m pretty sure if I had asked, I could’ve got this girls name and phone number, or maybe even the location of the Halloween party she was going to. But since I have no approach with women, I just let it go. My idea of a good pickup line is “Hi there, wanna fuck?” And if she replies with the usual no, then I say, “How about a good ass-eating?“
The problem is, the vibe I got from this girl makes me think she might’ve said yes. But I pussied out and headed for the door instead. So as I’m leaving, she smiles again and says “goodbye,” and I let out a defeated “bye” in return. This is why I bring my iPod wherever I go, so I can avoid shameful encounters like this.
Goddammit, I suck.
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